CHAPTER TWO

Christ Changes the Ground Rules

Almighty God ordained marriage between a man and a woman in the Garden of Eden before the fall of man. The consequences of the fall (sin and hardened hearts) are yet unavoidably linked to the substantive spiritual problem surrounding divorce.

Alienation from God (the consequence of sin that hardens man's heart) is the exclusive factor distorting marriage and sex yet today. Proof of this can be found throughout Old Testament history. Alienation from God's absolutes has always given rise to fornication, incest, homosexuality, and adultery.

None of these sins was present in Eden before the fall. Perhaps this is why our Lord asks us to think about those early days of creation when we deal with the subject of marriage and divorce¹.

Marital happiness is emotional, physical, and spiritual harmony. Such is hardly the result of good fortune, or computerized matchmaking, or even ecstatic sex. Happy marriages cannot be achieved by or through human effort such as attending a marriage course or reading books about sexual techniques. Marriage is a union of two spirits, held together through God's gift of love. Therefore, the only lasting solution for today's Christian seeking a divorce is the love that only God can give to his creation. One can fall in love all over again by asking God to make it happen in their marriages. God will always honor this one petition, because it is his will also. Would you accept the challenge to ask God for a new and exciting love between you and your partner?

It is Jesus, the expression of God's love for us, who reinstituted marriage for us by reframing it in his love. He provides all New Testament believers with this same ability to make their marriages work.

In order to fully appreciate this, let us briefly compare Old Testament divorce with New Testament divorce, and note how Jesus Christ changed the ground-rules for New Testament divorce.

Old Testament Divorce

During Moses' day, women held a subordinate position to men (and marriage was considered more of a business deal than a divinely ordained institution). Wives were their husband's property. Therefore, he had to write her an official certificate of divorce.

God used his relationship with his people as a prototype of what he intended marriage to be. He gave his followers himself, as a model husband.

By doing this, all Old Testament believers had God's living example to follow as he poured out his grace to them day by day. Even so, most Old Testament believers had great difficulty recognizing God's purpose for marriage, as well as his absolutes on family structure and its moral obligations.

We see the Old Testament's weariness on divorce expressed Deuteronomy 24:1, which says: "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after...."

From this text, found with many other miscellaneous ordinances, we see that many Old Testament families had an unhappy time with marriages--even on the vast plains of Moab. Each generation that followed made its own marital mistakes until God finally used the prophet Hosea to visually and figuratively demonstrate what marriage and reconciliation were all about in a full-color, living, drama²!

The New Testament-Christ on Divorce

Old Testament grounds for divorce included just about anything one could think up--except adultery! Adultery was not a ground for divorce; it was a death sentence-a cause for capital punishment. Christ's statements on marriage changed the entire Old Testament concept of divorce. Jesus forever obliterated all man-made excuses for divorce with just one statement³.

He insisted that God's original indissoluble design for marriage (as established in the Garden) has precedence over all of the Mosaic allowances, which the Pharisees questioned.

Therefore, it wasn't until Christ's day that this matter of divorce was finally straightened out. From creation, God fully intended married couples to stay together until death.⁴.

God's ordained oneness between husband and wife was increasingly ignored since the fall of man. God's original intent for marriage had already become so distorted by Christ's day that the Pharisees had the audacity to ask him: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason⁵?"

Isn't it interesting? The Pharisees were seemingly more concerned in knowing the proper way to divorce someone, than they were in knowing how to maintain their marriage. Jesus' answer: "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery⁶," established the official and operative New Testament position on marriage, and it blew them away.

Isn't it also striking that Jesus answers a question that has plagued mankind for every generation since the fall? Christ's answers were recorded in the Bible so that they could profit and instruct us as well; yet some of us continue to ask the same old question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" What we mean is: "Can't I get a divorce because of my special reasons or unique set of circumstances?" Jesus' answer would be the same today: "Haven't you read [the Scriptures]?"

In Jesus' day there were two schools of thought on divorce, the school of Hillel and that of Shammai. They held different views on the scope of fornication (porneia). The former was conservative while the latter was more liberal. The Pharisees were testing Jesus to see whose side he would take. But instead of recognizing either alternative on divorce, Jesus went back to God's original design for marriage, saying in effect that God never intended divorce for any one or any reason.

But let us place ourselves in the framework of the Pharisees for just a moment. They had been deeply involved in all the rules and regulations regarding marriage and divorce for centuries, and now they were told that what God joined, man could not disjoin. Consider how they must have figured that they had Jesus nailed now, because Moses had said, "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him ... he writes her a certificate of divorce⁷." Therefore, they questioned him further about this Law of Moses in an effort to trap him. " 'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away⁸?' " "Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning⁹.' " This was no compliment to the Pharisees, and a double-shame to New Testament believers who refuse to objectively search the Scripture on this subject!

Our Lord's statement accomplished two things: Not only did Jesus reestablish God's original intent and purpose for marriage, but he also provided the New Testament solution to the problem of hardness of heart by coming to earth and sending his Holy Spirit to soften and dwell in our hearts. In one stroke he canceled out all Old Testament excuses for divorces that were, and still are, offered from man's stony heart. Jesus was not as indulgent as was Moses. Instead, Jesus proclaimed "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery¹⁰." That is a very solemn charge, since if continued, it leads to everlasting punishment¹¹. The question of whether or not one commits continual adultery after divorcing and remarrying, is more timely than we may wish to believe. It is an important question--one I will scripturally consider later.

Without compromise, Christ set the New Testament record straight on marriage and divorce. Our Lord reemphasized that divorce is surely not God's way. Therefore, if any believer exercises his own will over and against God's will by obtaining a civil divorce through the courts of the land he or she is not at all divorced in God's sight.

Where does that come from? Jesus said, "Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery¹²."

In what follows, I am assuming there was no marital unfaithfulness in the examples I am about to use.

So, think of the 'Why?' Why would he be committing adultery after he divorces his wife and remarries?

There can be only one explanation: Because he is still married to his first wife in God's sight. This is the only analysis possible, and it is grave. Yet, so many (already in trouble with the temptation to divorce) absolutely refuse to recognize this spiritually devastating potential.

In the above example, our Lord uses the man divorcing his wife. What if a wife divorces her husband and one, or either, remarries? Would either be committing adultery? Yes! Jesus said so¹³. It is just as true for the woman involved--and for anyone who marries either one so divorced¹⁴. Why? Why is a third (totally unconnected-innocent) party included? Jesus included the third party in his statement: "... and anyone who marries the divorced woman, commits adultery."

Why would a third party (removed from the whole ordeal of the divorce) be guilty of adultery? Because in God's sight the couple divorcing are still married to each other even after a civil divorce. They only thought they were putting each other away.

The point our Lord makes here is that anyone who thinks he or she is divorced (for reasons other than marital unfaithfulness--fornication) is, in reality, not divorced at all. Consequently, whoever (even a third party not involved in this couple's problem) marries such a non-divorced person, that third 'innocent' party will discover that the person who divorced is not single, but still very much married. Jesus warns that the third party, that even he or she would be committing adultery¹⁵.

New light on Faulty statistics

Still, divorce happens--even among Christians. Divorce has become a major expression of our sinful condition, but take heart.

There has been faulty reporting regarding the rate of divorce in the world! As this error continues, it becomes more incumbent upon each Christian to know the truth concerning the divorce rate--even in America, where it is the highest. The national divorce rate in America is advertised as fifty percent. This figure is totally deceptive and inappropriate! The truth is far from 'one out of two marriages ending in divorce,' anywhere in the world.

The following quote is from J. Allan Peterson in Better Families: He says: "Pollster Louis Harris has written, 'The idea that half of American marriages are doomed is one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetuated in modern times.' It all began when the Census Bureau noted that during one year, there were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. Someone did the math without calculating the 54 million marriages already in existence, and presto, a ridiculous but quotable statistic was born. Harris concludes, 'In any single year, only about 2 percent of existing marriages will break up.' "

The above quote of Louis Harris was also collaborated in the Des Moines Register, June 18, 1995, Pg.6, in an article by Bob Dyer, entitled: "Divorce Rate Lower Than You Think. Bad statistics are more than annoying. They can be harmful. Ask any psychologist about the term 'self fulfilling prophecy.' " Bob Dyer continues: "The myth is gleefully perpetuated by the media. Why? Because too many of us who are paid to disseminate information simply don't check its accuracy."

So be careful when you read about high percentages of divorce that come from a given number of marriages in one year compared to the number of divorces in that same year. Those numbers are deceptively flawed. They ignore the fact that the divorces that year involved the marriages of many decades--10, 20, 30, 40, 50 60, 70, even 80 years of marriages, not just one year. This kind of misleading misrepresentation pleases the devil, because it gives the public the erroneous idea that 'everyone is doing it,' which is another ploy of the devil, having no viability in what you or I decide.

Besides guarding against the effects of today's faulty statistics, we must know early warning signs of divorce, if we are going to help people in marital trouble.

One Divorce Is Too Many! God Hates Divorce.

Marital suicide (a fair term for divorce) usually begins with untamed self-will--wanting our own way. In and of itself, self-will isn't always bad. However, if our self-will is found to be out of harmony with God's will and we persist in it, then evil seeds of sin take hold and grow uncontrollably. If we obediently submit to his will, at the expense of our own, the seed withers and dies. When we argue with God by rationalizing our wills over his, we grieve his Holy Spirit and cultivate the sin-seed of self-will, which blooms into a weed of spiritual rebellion. This leads to the hardening of one's heart-and in this case-spiritual as well as marital suicide.

Jesus Christ is the Great Physician for spiritual lethargy. He is the only effective and proven weed-killer for every evil seed in man's heart. If you want to believe that, as it relates to the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage; then ask God to prepare your heart through the words of Jesus and the indwelling of his Holy Spirit, as we take a closer look at the subject of divorce.

The Difference Between Old and
New Testament Divorce.

The basic difference between Old Testament and New Testament divorce lies in the person and power of Jesus Christ and his Spirit. If Christians would only apply that truth, they would become convinced that divorce is not even an option for them--and surely not a necessity.

The reader may ask, "Do you really mean that?"

Yes, I do! God's grace outweighs all marital trouble. When Jesus is Lord, all of our excuses for hardening our heart are gone. Every need to seek a divorce is likewise swept away.

"That's ivory tower talk," you may assert!

If you are in the middle of a divorce right now, I can understand your frustration--even anger at what I have just said. I know that my statement is hard to accept. Pray that God's Spirit will show you his truth as it is found in his Holy Word. God said, "I hate divorce¹⁶." He hates it because he has fashioned marriage as an indissoluble union between one man and one woman--for life. It's still that way today, even after the fall.

"How can that be? Everything changed," you say.

Not everything! God hasn't changed because of the fall--we have!

God created the heavens and the earth, and "God saw that it was good¹⁷." He made man, gave him woman, and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh¹⁸." Then man fell and destroyed his perfect relationship with God-his perfect ability to obey God. He developed, instead, an ability to kid himself into thinking that he can outsmart God. This started early--Adam ran away from God¹⁹, trying to hide from him. This scene of running away from God's Solution (to find our own) is sinfully repeated every time one of us goes to the civil divorce courts to dissolve that which (in God's sight) is indissoluble.

Scripture is clear. If we then marry another, we commit adultery, because we are still married to the original partner²⁰. Marriage was originally designed and programmed to be permanent. It still is²¹! It has been from the beginning, and it remains so today. The reason that so many of our good Christian friends divorce, is that, in addition to learning how to sin, we have mastered the ability to overlook it as well! Just as God never changes, so God's absolutes-on-marriage have not changed. Its design, its regulations, its sacredness, has not changed--we have!

Today, we have people calling themselves Christians but have re-hardened their hearts. They become experts in rationalizing their spiritual problem into a marriage difficulty, which places them in full disagreement with God! They need help.

Counseling

Apart from those marriage difficulties that arise out of a poor upbringing, neurotic or psychotic personalities, or emotional aberrations (all of which require psychological approach); the key factor in bringing most couples back together is balanced counseling--a two-pronged approach-social and spiritual. One must recognize that some social symptoms (such as drunkenness, child beating or even adultery) begin to appear publicly only after the primary wall of spiritual defense is compromised and lowered in the lives of those involved.

When spiritual barriers are weakened, social sins flourish. This creates a two-headed monster--a spiritual problem and a social symptom-and it breathes the fire of divorce.

Surely, this situation demands counseling that includes a Christ-centered psychological-social approach in order to treat the spiritual symptom. Therefore, there must also be a Christ-centered spiritual emphasis applied to and within the healing process.

When a counselor concentrates only on the psychological and neglects the spiritual, the couple involved is doomed for a double dose of the same affliction, later. Christ spoke these words to warn us of this pitfall of neglecting the spiritual aspect of counseling. Jesus said:

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first²²."

Biblically based spiritual/psychological counseling, as opposed to symptom mending, is necessary to prevent further marital difficulties worse than the first.

Not all marriage counselors are uncompromisingly dedicated to God's Word, and some Christians know this! They make an undeniable effort to select a counselor who will tell them what they want to hear.

One might wrongly assume that the training necessary to equip a God-fearing counselor is exactly that which is offered in most seminaries. However, not all who graduate from a seminary are competent to counsel!

The competent counselor is one who correctly handles the Word of Truth, reflecting the sovereign authority of Almighty God, objectively, and in love. They are those counselors who unbiasedly lean on the Word of God for all their advice and guidance, and those who have studied, in depth, God's absolutes, regarding his indissolubility for marriage--all marriages.

Choosing a competent counselor with a biblical background is important because of the couple's spiritual vulnerability. If a struggling couple is left alone with the coaxing of the devil (and his helpers) they will be deceived into thinking of divorce as a reasonable way to escape the kind of 'hell' they are enduring.

Too many folks are misguided by not being properly counseled, and are misled by the popularity and frequency of the sin. Our lackadaisical society looks with accommodation upon divorce--quite different from God's view. To wit--a national corporation has recently announced the adoption of a new policy regarding divorced persons. An employee who sought a divorce is now considered 'a person who had the stamina and fortitude to stand-up to a bad situation and call-the-shots.' They conclude that such a person is, therefore, executive material.

Our uninformed society is pumping out misinformation around the clock. Television dramas picture divorce as acceptable social behavior.

To put this into some kind of framework, just suppose you were treated in a hospital the way marriage is treated on television. Picture yourself after an accident, rushed to the hospital, carted into the emergency room all battered up (the way some describe their marriages). A man with no medical training walks in, calling himself a physician, and says, "This is a total wiped-out mess. This patient is enduring too much pain--it is horrible. Cut him loose, because for all practical purposes this patient is already dead. In addition, there are probably hidden injuries, which may never heal--each causing further complications. This patient cannot live this way. He is beyond mending, impossible to save. Let's walk away from this, turn out the lights, and go home."

Ridiculous? Not at all! Not when you consider that some counselors (without in-depth training in God's handbook for marriage) are actually paid for prescribing the sin of divorce for troubled marriages.

Therefore, an urgency exists for believers to search out dedicated-Christian-marriage-counselors who firmly subscribe to God ís Word as absolute, and refer people to them-exclusively. The problem is to dig them out from the pool of those purporting to have answers. By finding the right one, God ís biblical view of marriage, divorce, and remarriage can be shared with assurance.

One suggestion, to aid the reader in finding such a Christ-centered counselor in your area (made with confidence; albeit without expressed permission) is to contact Dr. James Dobson's ministry (Focus on the Family) for a referral.

I suppose that about now some reader will be thinking, "Hey, I am a Christian and already divorced. Is this book about what I should have done? Is it too late for me?" No! No, to both questions. In later chapters I will discuss God's desire for those already divorced as well as those divorced and remarried. However, for now, allow me to continue addressing those Christians presently faced with the temptation to divorce. Take heart! God understands. He threatened his "wife" with a divorce.

Footnotes

1 Matthew 19:4 & 8: (4)" 'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female?' " (8) "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." (Underlining mine).

2 I will develop that drama in the next chapter.

3 "Jesus (said) 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.' " (Matthew 19:8,9).

4 "The Lord said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him' ... The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.' " (Genesis 2:18,23-24). Also see I Corinthians 7:39.

5 Matthew 19:3

6 Matthew 19:8,9

7 Deuteronomy 24:1

8 Matthew 19:7

9 Matthew 19:8

10 Matthew 19:9

11 "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral . . . nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders . . . will inherit the kingdom of God." (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

12 Matthew 19:9

13 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:ll).

14 Matthew 5:32: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman, commits adultery."

15 Matthew 5:32

16 Malachi 2:16

17 Genesis 1:10

18 Genesis 2:24

19 Genesis 3:10 Adam said: "I heard you (God) in the garden ... so I hid."

20 Matthew 5:32: Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman, commits adultery."

21 I Corinthians 7:39: "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives." And Mark 10:ll: "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

22 Luke 11:24-26